Far too often now I get a terrible sick feeling in my
stomach when I watch or read the news. This morning was one of these times when
I woke up to that awful, “THIS IS BREAKING NEWS” audio clip on CNN.
As details seem to shake themselves out, and the victims of
the theater shooting in Aurora, Colorado today become real people and not just numbers
on a news scroll, an intense wave of sadness for these people and what their
families will go through in the months and years to come weighs heavily on my
mind. With social media being what it is today, I’ve already read a blog
detailing the scene written by the brother of one of the young woman who was
killed. Jordan Ghawi's Blog Post
Immediately, all I can think is, “oh, please, please, don’t
get bogged down in the details.” Details are your sworn enemy. What lies ahead
for these families is not really in the second-to-second moments. Dwelling on
those horrible, horrible facts could make any person approach insanity, but if
that was your loved one in that theater, then you have to try to get out of that
place of needing all of the facts as quickly as possible.
Figuring out how to walk forward after such a horrific loss
is absolutely the biggest obstacle the living face after losing someone to a tragedy
such as the one today in Colorado. This holds especially true when loss due to
senseless violence is accompanied by intense media coverage. For a few days,
maybe weeks…hell, even months, family, friends, friends of friends, and a
multitude of strangers will rally around the survivors, it’s only human kindness
that draws people in that direction. They will offer their condolences and tell
you they feel your pain; But as those people slowly trickle back into the monotony
of their everyday lives, survivors are left to go back to their lives too, only
it’s not monotonous anymore. There is nothing ever normal about it again.
It’s most easy to grieve when the crowds are around holding
you up- when the news covers your family and you have a brave face, or the talk
shows remind you that your pain is justified. It is when you’re finally left
alone that will shake your soul. Shit, it’s intense to be alone in the grief.
Believe me, the pain, the darkness, it hits most when the silence swallows you
up and no one wants to hear about your sadness or fears anymore. You may even
get tired of hearing yourself talk about the pain, but keep on talking. Work it
out the only way you know how. Write it, sing it, cry it from every Colorado mountaintop.
We don’t live in a war torn country, but we live among war
criminals, of this I have no doubt. Columbine, Virginia Tech, Northern
Illinois University, Tuscon…September 11th. We, as Americans, are so blessed to live
where we do. We are blessed that most often perspective and human nature allow
us to fall back into our Costco paced, drive-thru window lives. Certainly we do
not expect bombs to fall on our heads everyday and we are damn lucky for that
fact. But sometimes bombs hit very close to home, and when they do, it’s
important not to forget those that live, suffering long past the funerals, news
profiles, tree plantings and street dedications.
The pit in my stomach, that aching, well it’s real. I lived
through one of these events, and I saw, heard, smelled, tasted, and touched the
details firsthand. It was worse than anyone could imagine it being. I lost a
family member too. Even years later, I am so grateful for those people that kept me from falling during the worst time in my life and I try to tell them so all of
the time. A support system is key, but also you have to be prepared for the
emotional trip of highs and lows, and even lowers of being alone in your grief.
And when people throw clichés your way in these times of pain, “life goes on”,
“they’re in a better place”, “God has a plan”, respond with dignity and courage
because these clichés come from a place of not knowing…and well, not knowing,
it’s the only thing you can possibly wish for these people. No one should have
to have that pit in their stomach. No one.
